Withering

When he looks at her he sees beauty and potential

Things that she doesn’t see in herself

He also sees that she is withering away from the inside

He pours love over her

Enough that it reaches her roots

She wants to open up to him

To blossom

Afraid of the world

She hides from the light

Away from people and judging stares

Away from failures that seem imminent to her

She’s adapted to her surroundings

Her thorns grown in defense

Keep him from being able to touch her

To show her how soft his touch can be

He keeps the distance she allows

Continuing to show her love

Sometimes she explodes

Letting out a plume of toxins

He hacks and coughs

And even with puffed eyes

He sees her beauty

He will not give up

She will not wither away

As long as he has a say

 

No More Flowing Inspiration

She was the reason

The inspiration

Without her

He would have never been writing music

Once it was meant for her

It was always beautiful

The audience loved it

The sounds from his guitar

In the past two weeks

He couldn’t count the number of times

He wanted to smash it into a wall

Or throw it into the lake

She was gone now

The music she brought to him

Left the moment she did

He thought that he would never be able

To write another song again

Until his fingers found their way

No longer lost

But the sound they now played

Were filled with sadness and pain

They were still for her

She still inspired him from beyond

 

Heart’s Wishes

My heart feels pain seen in my face

In times of solitude it makes me wish three wishes

In it’s place

Wishes that have been in there for so long

Because of everything that has happened to us

I wish I knew how to love without killing myself

Because sometimes I love the wrong people

Even love to much when I know I shouldn’t

I wish I knew how to mend hearts without breaking my own

Always giving more of myself to others

At the sake of my own happiness

I wish I knew how to kiss and not create bruises

My lips not knowing how to be gentle

Ravage others in the presence of passion

I feel the pain of my heart

But I have only one wish of my own

I wish all the pain would end soon

Inner Struggle

How can your mind stop loving someone

When your heart isn’t ready to

How do you tell yourself a lie

While deep inside you know the truth

There’s no way you could feel any different

No matter how hard you try

They just make you feel something

That you’re not afraid to hide

You try to change the way you feel

To no avail

Feelings of love always prevail

Staying far away doesn’t help

It only makes you want to see them more

Because you know deep down inside

They’re that one person you truly adore

 

One Step At A Time

Hindsight is a kick in the ass if I ever felt one. I blew up at my girlfriend last night. I should have been able to see that she was only acting out for the entire day because she didn’t want to feel certain emotions. Then again, I’m not perfect. I don’t like not certain feelings myself, and that’s why I explode. I’m learning not to hold things in, but I still have to learn to control the expressions of them.

The thing that made me go crazy was her refusal to lean on me right after some choice words by her. Yup. That’s all. I like open channels in love that we have. That’s all I ever have to ask for.

It may be more personal and psychological than that, but that’s all I can come up with. Now I have to find a way to show her that I still care and that she is off the hook. Halfway at least.

It’s probably bad that I try to force her to speak to me, but I don’t like her holding things in that bother her. Compromise might be needed here. I know if she’d told me exactly what it was earlier, I would have reacted differently. I see now that I also need to work on me. I should always respond with love no matter what.

With the nature of what is actually bothering her, I’ll keep all my opinions to myself. I just know I’m going to say the wrong thing. I’m already thinking the wrong things. Being selfless really takes a toll sometimes. It’s alot of work to put someone else before yourself, but of course, she’s worth it.

I’ll do better next time. I know it.

Sorrow Filled Showers

A broken heart can be the beginning of the storm

One where a dark cloud looms over you

Overshadowing all happy thoughts

There seems to be no escape from the pain

The negative feelings rain

 

The showers are endless

Relentless

No matter whee you go

No matter what you do

The water pours all around you

You fear that you may drown

 

Handy Man

He was good at fixing the relationships of others

Although he could never seem to start his own

When ill-treated women needed an ear he was there

He treated them better than they had ever been before

He laid the plans out for them to see

Showed the way that real relationships should be

In the end they realized they could do better

Then the men realized it too

They would fix their act and get back on track

He knew that his job here was through

The time never available before was now being made

She forgot about our hero and from her life he’d fade

Even though they were just friends

It didn’t mean that he couldn’t miss her

His job was over now

They no longer needed

The relationship fixer…

Return the One Thing

Years had past since they said I do

It had been long that he knew

She  was no longer the woman he married

The things that made him fall in love

Were no loner there

It was as though she had forgotten how to care

Every time she complained about

He changed just for her

He didn’t even recognize himself anymore

She had his heart

Yet he could not find hers

The rings

Now meant nothing

Forever had come to a close

Their own separate ways

They now had to go

I Can Keep It Up…Maybe…

I hold alot of negative feelings inside for long periods of time. I know, I know. It’s not the right thing to do because after some time I will explode. Funny thing is that even when I do explode, I hold back.

There are some who say that I care about myself more than I do others. If they only knew. Things could be so much worst than they are. I could show what not caring looks like. I could show what true betrayal looks like. I could open so many cans of worms, but I do not. I will not. Not now at least.

Yet I still suffer for things that I have not done. Things that I cannot undo. Things that have left scars so deep that the closest resemblance to a memory brings up remnants of the pain.

I never let how I feel overall affect moments of happiness, so that is a positive. I can subdue my emotions well. Years of practice.I suffer alone by choice. My burden.

I’m angry. But no one knows. No one sees. It is the only emotion that I do not wear on my sleeve. I keep it all to myself. It is my anger and I will embrace it. I will raise it. One day, when it is ready, I will let it go. I will let it all go.