Teddy Bear Stuffing

“I Hate Teddy Bears”
That’s what she said
When we passed by
The aisle of Valentines
So across Teddy Bears
In the list of gifts
Is now a line

  • Chocolate
  • Teddy Bears
  • Flowers

When she picked one up
From the aisle to show me
I put it back
But why did she start to cry?
She hates Teddy Bears…
Right?
No?
Oh…
I thought that by listening
I was doing the right thing
The truth is that she loves them
But for some reason
Couldn’t tell me
I didn’t see the message
That she kept hidden
Stuffed away
Like the cotton
In these bears on the shelves

Hard to Hate What You Love

I don’t care if you love me…
Do you?
Not that it matters
I dislike everything about you right now
But I love you so much
I despise every fiber of your body
Though I long for your touch
I can’t stand you around me…
Go jump off a bridge…
Wait! Don’t!
Argh…

You walk around with another…
So what…
Go on with your life and forget about me
It’s what I hoped would be
I say all this while secretly wishing it was me
Wrapped in your stupid arms…
The sight of you makes me sick
But my eyes are peeled on you…
Waiting for you to look over here
Don’t you care?
Well I don’t…care…if…
You’re still not looking

Here you come, (sarcastically) great…
Finally…
When I hear your voice I cover my ears
Not wanting to hear the sound…
Leaving spaces between my fingers
To hear every word you have to say…
You make me sick to my stomach
But you’re the only remedy for me
I love the person that you are…

I’m so upset…
But I can’t stop smiling at you
You make me so angry
Staying that way is hard though
Get away from me!
Still, don’t wander too far…
I need you here…
You can’t see it
But…
I’m trapped in this tug of war
Between my heart and memories
I beg to be set free
From loving you so deeply
With no means of getting away
Feelings change with the day…
The hardest thing to do
Is tell you the truth that…
I want you to stay…

I Am Tired

I Am Tired

I’m tired of seeing people holding hands
Because I don’t understand
Why I have to be a single man
When all women say to me is
You’re so adorable
But I can’t be with you
You would make a good boyfriend
But I can’t be with you
You would make any girl happy
But…I…can’t…be…with…you
If I am so perfect
Then why am I alone
Why must I end each day
In an empty home
When there are guys who are not as good
Getting more girls than they could
Ever treat right
It’s not right
Why must I be the one
Who is alone at night?
Cold
With no one to hold
In the sheets
Just playing with the folds

I Am Tired

I’m tired of seeing people
With their phones glued to their ears
People giggling together everywhere
I try to act like I don’t care
But it gets to me
That is all I see
He places a kiss on her cheek
As together they eat
Oh how sweet
Using one straw
To drink a milkshake
Fighting over the last fry
If only I could be that guy
But no
Life won’t allow things to be so
I eat in the table in the corner
By myself
I walk to class everyday
By myself
I look up at the full moon
By myself
And I must realize that this is the way it will be
For a while now it has just been me

I Am Tired

I am tired of lying in bed
And praying that the phone rings
Or that a text comes in
Something
Sitting in the darkness of my room
This wont work
Man, I wish I had homework
Because it’s the only thing that can occupy my mind
When I find
That I start tripping
Reality starts to fade and I start slipping
Thinking of things not worth thinking of in the first place
Like why do good guys finish last in this race?
Can you see the scars of love on my face?
Can you see the past in my eyes?
Having to give up the girls I wanted
To these unworthy guys
They couldn’t make them smile
Like I would
They won’t do almost anything
Like I would
They can’t make them feel like the only girl in the world
Like I would

I Am Tired

I’m tired of cupid’s arrows
Because they have no eyes to see
That I do not want to be
Head over heels
Does cupid know how it feels?
To be in love with someone
He is not the one with the broken heart
He is not the one who can’t sleep at night
He won’t be there to tell me it’s alright
So why does he shoot me
WHY DO YOU DO THIS TO ME!?
Why is it that we cannot control who we fall for?
If I could I would fall no more
I’m begging…
Please
My poor knees
I fell so much that the ground knows me by name
It’s such a shame
When will I win…this love game

I Am Tired

TIRED

Running From a Savior

Day by day I feel you start to slip
I try to tighten my grip…
But it always remains just to loose
Then I realize that you’re fighting
The stranger holding your arm
When I never meant you any harm
In your eyes…
I’m no longer the same…
I try calling your name…
But my voice is an unfamiliar sound
You don’t turn around
I walk away with my head down
What we were is all I ever wanted to be
Now it’s just a memory
You don’t know me…
Not anymore…
I really deplore
The way things are now
I don’t know how
They ever got this way
I thought you would always stay
I hope everything will be alright
I hope I make it through the lonely nights
I hope I don’t shed too many tears
Wishing you were still here
Then I remember
That at the end of my rope
I had almost given up hope
Today…
I let my white horse run away
And I hang up my armor
Because I could no longer save the day
I wish I could go back in time
Back to when you where mine
Back to the time that I…
I felt alive

Outlet

I need an outlet

Sometime I find

That these thoughts plague my mind

And I realize that I need

A way to let them go

Let them flow

But I can’t find what I need

No one to run to

No one on whom I can lay

These thoughts that plague me

Day to day

I try my phone

But it’s so strange

Can’t find what I need in my contacts

Or on any social media app

Not on Facebook

Twitter

Instagram

Or Snapchat

I need an outlet

All I have is this notepad

So I let my fingers race

Word after word

Wait, not that word

Backspace, backspace,  backspace

A beep rings through the air

And I look to the source

15%

I need an outlet

 

Fighting Love ft. Explicit

I just wanna be loved, and for that, I find myself exchanging my heart
for what i thought was your love.
That love that I thought was there, was wearing a disguise;
hidden by the lies I saw in your eyes.

Looking into those eyes brought tears to mine. I keep denying your
faults to think everything was fine.
I misused my heart as you took my love in vain. Now I’m confused, and
emotionally insane.

Going crazy with every thought of you, but now the truth shines through.
The looking glass is clearer now as I see the liar in you.
With you my heart still wants to stay, but my mind knows better and
makes my body walk away.

I just wanna be loved; is that too much to ask?
Since when did love become a task.
A daily routine to complete…check one, check two…
What’s on the agenda today?
“Loving you”…

So easy for me to do, but for you it’s not. ‘Cause when it comes to
loving me, it seems like you forgot.
My love for you is something hard to brake, but by the way it’s
returned it feels like a mistake.

Conflicted Memories

I always knew looking back on the tears would make me laugh
But I never knew looking back on the laughs would make me cry
We shared those moments that you could never buy
I loved everything about you
Especially the way I felt when around you
I want to be there for you forever
But your actions are telling me never
Trust is not easy to attain, it must first be earned
Experiences teach us the worst lessons learned
Every time I think a good thought of you
A bad one comes to mind too
What am I to do?
Fighting with myself to stay mad
When my heart just wants to love
Telling my body to run
Into your arms, though they always remained closed
No matter how close
We got
You could make me smile, then flip the script
Hurting my deepest feelings
Those I didn’t remember were there
At times I would have to ask if you cared
Then you would do something to show
That a heart was still there
I remember being happy around you
Yet I remember more being sad
I want to forget about all the bad we went through
But that will never be a reality to me
When I have to fight
These
Constant memories…

Uncertainty

How do you forgive someone for something that they may not even know that they did?

Patience takes you a long way.

The months of finding yourself and learning about yourself come into play here.

“No lashing out.
Listen first. Talk second.
Make sure you understand as best as you can.
Do not interrupt.
Talk without accusing.
Keep your voice down.”

It’s so easy to be angry. So easy to give in to the emotions that are running through you. You want to lash out. You want to shout.

For the first time in a long time, you fight it. You control it.

The feelings still remain. Still tempting. Clawing away at your resolve. You are at the edge of sanity, looking over. Jumping is easy. All it would take is a step.

No. A different person from the one in the past stands here.

You are stronger. You are better.

Walk away from the edge and face life. Grab the horns and take control. Push back at the things that want you to go over. Prove to yourself and the world that you are a bigger person.

At the end of the day, uncertainty will still exist about the right course of thought. Trust and understanding keep me grounded. In time everything will be fine. I know this. I may never forget, but for the sake of the future, I will forgive.

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