Failure is a Lesson

If you try again

You may fail again

But make sure

That you fail better

The second time around

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Any Expression Is Good Expression.

My girlfriend is very shy and closed up when it comes to things that are on her mind. It’s because of her past. She was never allowed to voice her opinions to her family or to her exes.

Now with me, she is falling into her past conditioning. All I do is what I can do in this situation. I sit, or lie down, and wait for her to gather her thoughts. Then I help her get to where she needs to go. Here and there I ask questions, but I just let her rant and I input whenever she gives me the cue to. I understand what she has went through, so this is easy for me.

Furthermore, she has a blog where she expresses the dark and painful feelings that she feels. It seems easy for her to write her feelings away. Easier than talking to me at times.

She asked me a while ago if her posts make me feel “a way”. Meaning if I am bothered by them. Of course not. She is used to her significant other wanting to be the one spoken to first about everything. I am not like that at all.

When it comes down to it, I still get to read them and go over them with her at the end of the day. So, her expressing herself online eventually turns into her taking to me.

Of course it’s healthier for her to express herself to me in terms of the relationship, but as long as she’s getting things off her chest, it is fine by me. I will still love and treat her the same either way.

Checkout her work: Hikari Aie

Happy At A Price. Me.

I’ll never understand why people take for granted the ones who would move mountains for them. They can have the best, but find one thing wrong with them that makes them want to look elsewhere or just plain treat the person badly. You can’t please everyone in this world. And some people are just too short sighted.

I would have done anything for my ex. Anything. As long as it was in my power, it was done. I kind of even disregarded my closest friends just to spend time with her because her time was limited. I tried to give her a better life, but….it was so difficult for her to not think in a closed minded way  or be selfish. We argued all the time about nothing. She never tried to do things that I advised her would be good for the relationship.

She left me for someone else. I guess he was better for her in her eyes. I was down financially and she wanted to keep her money for herself. After all I did for her, I wasn’t good enough at the end of the day.

You can’t let material things cheat you out of something special. Open your eyes to the things right in front of you. I am much happier now that she’s no longer here. Just thinking about the difference in my life on a whole without her makes me feel better about her leaving.

It still hurt, but I am past it and in a better place now.

The Problem With Being Different

Sometimes it sucks being a breath of fresh air. You would think that by being different from the rest, different from the past, that you would have an easy time showing someone that you can be there for them. Oh, how mistaken you are.

Human nature makes us question new things. We are hesitant to try new things, too keen on attempting something that we know will fail or going back to a place we were never happy. It’s scary, even overwhelming to have something new thrust at you. You don’t know what to do with it because you’re not used to having things the way they are. Deep down, you always know that it’s better.

This has been my experience in life. I’m different from most guys in that I’m more of a romantic and I don’t tear people down. I am selfless most of the time. Accused of being “too nice” more times than I can count or bother to count.

Currently, I am being called “too good”. I don’t yell or argue. I let her set the pace of the conversation and no matter what is said, I am not affected in a way that makes her feel like she’s done something wrong. I feel like I am giving her the impression that she has to be perfect. I don’t want perfection, never did. I love her as she is and always will.

I just need to help her get past her fear of the new and unknown.

Tabula Rasa

I have been in my share of relationships and things have mostly been rocky. It wasn’t all bad, but when it was bad it was the pits. It was either a past that could not be let go of, an ex who I was constantly compared to, or a lack of faith in men as a species. If it wasn’t one of those, then it was insecurities. You wouldn’t believe how many women are insecure (but that’s for another time).

One thing that I have always done, whether by choice or habit, is to give a blank slate to each person at the beginning of the relationship. No matter what I was told in the dating stage about their past, it didn’t matter. I treated them as if they had never done anything and I didn’t let what I knew about them affect how I would treat them in the relationship. This made it easy for me to start fresh the next day after a bad day. It could have been the worst argument in history. By the next morning, everything was back to normal for me. Of course, I wasn’t going to forget what was said, but I also didn’t let it affect the way that I treated the other person.

Unfortunately for me, everything I said was too hurtful. Things always had a way of being thrown back in my face in some way. They would actually do things that I mentioned just to say that I was right about them. Almost like they had an excuse to do what they did because I expected it from them anyway. The truth was that I never expected anything. Even when it happened over and over. I expected good things from them from the start. I actually expected them to do the right thing each time. It was hard to explain that.

To this day, I still give blank slates after every argument and discussion. I expect the best from everyone, even those who may have wronged me at one point. No one is perfect and no one is always wrong either.

A little different from the normal post, but I like to express in different ways.

~ Silence

Jumper

I’m hanging with Loneliness at the edge of Mount Uncertainty
Down below I see Opportunity pass by
We catch each other’s eye
At that moment…I believe I can fly
I get ready to jump…
But my shirt is held from behind
Experience reminds me that I’ve been here before…
That we agreed…that I wouldn’t come back anymore

Logic tells me that I know he’s right
I do…
But all I can do…
Is look down at Opportunity and stare
Security tell me it’s much safer up here
Just then…
Optimism joins Opportunity
Looks up and stretches out her arms
Says “Have no fear my dear”

Pessimism takes hold too
And says to ignore her evil twin
Poetry looks on from the sideline
Folds her arms and says
“He can jump for all I care
Either way…I win”

Love says that she’s surely catch me
Pessimism shouts how can she
If she’s blind
Logic just pleads for me to use my mind
“Think things through
Is this something you really want to do?”

Opportunity looks up and says
“You know you’re gonna miss me
So act swiftly…”
Experience says that there will be more to come
He says that Opportunities are a dime a dozen
Like fish in the sea
Flowers under the sun
Opportunity snaps back
“But damn, don’t I look like a good one!?”

Pessimism shouts back that any wolf
Can dressed like a sheep
For a moment I forget about Loneliness
He no longer makes a peep
Meanwhile Cupid packs up his assassin’s bow
And gets ready to fly away
His arrow lodged in my side
Security bows his head in shame
For letting the intruder ever get in
Poetry looks on from the sideline
Folds her arms and says
“He can jump for all I care
Either way…I win”

Love shouts for me to come with them
Experience and pessimism both respond
“No way!”
Logic adds “You’re facing the wrong way…”
Opportunity says that if I don’t come now
She may never come back
Then it’s Logic I look at

I guess standing so close to Pessimism
Wasn’t a good idea
Because now he’s having doubt…
He says nothing…
As he searches for the truth in what she’s talking about
Experience slaps him upside the head
Tells him it’s a lie…
“You said it yourself one always comes by
So it doesn’t matter if he runs”
Opportunity snaps back
“But damn, don’t I look like a good one!?”

Pessimism says that he’s seen better
Optimism responds that I can’t let her get away
Logic says don’t be a fool
Love says she’s leaving with Opportunity
And they’re leaving soon
Loneliness just stands there looking blue
Experience wonders why
This is a predicament I always find myself in
Poetry looks on from the sideline
Folds her arms and says
“He can jump for all I care…
Either way…I win…”