Unique Expression

I don’t look for the phrase

“I love you”

It’s played out

I wait for it to come

In her giggle

When I say a pun

The way she snuggles

Onto my chest

Her dedication

When she takes care of me

She wants to stay on the phone

Even though

She can barely stay up

Those actions

In my opinion

Topple the simple words

In my times of need

One Step At A Time

Hindsight is a kick in the ass if I ever felt one. I blew up at my girlfriend last night. I should have been able to see that she was only acting out for the entire day because she didn’t want to feel certain emotions. Then again, I’m not perfect. I don’t like not certain feelings myself, and that’s why I explode. I’m learning not to hold things in, but I still have to learn to control the expressions of them.

The thing that made me go crazy was her refusal to lean on me right after some choice words by her. Yup. That’s all. I like open channels in love that we have. That’s all I ever have to ask for.

It may be more personal and psychological than that, but that’s all I can come up with. Now I have to find a way to show her that I still care and that she is off the hook. Halfway at least.

It’s probably bad that I try to force her to speak to me, but I don’t like her holding things in that bother her. Compromise might be needed here. I know if she’d told me exactly what it was earlier, I would have reacted differently. I see now that I also need to work on me. I should always respond with love no matter what.

With the nature of what is actually bothering her, I’ll keep all my opinions to myself. I just know I’m going to say the wrong thing. I’m already thinking the wrong things. Being selfless really takes a toll sometimes. It’s alot of work to put someone else before yourself, but of course, she’s worth it.

I’ll do better next time. I know it.

Any Expression Is Good Expression.

My girlfriend is very shy and closed up when it comes to things that are on her mind. It’s because of her past. She was never allowed to voice her opinions to her family or to her exes.

Now with me, she is falling into her past conditioning. All I do is what I can do in this situation. I sit, or lie down, and wait for her to gather her thoughts. Then I help her get to where she needs to go. Here and there I ask questions, but I just let her rant and I input whenever she gives me the cue to. I understand what she has went through, so this is easy for me.

Furthermore, she has a blog where she expresses the dark and painful feelings that she feels. It seems easy for her to write her feelings away. Easier than talking to me at times.

She asked me a while ago if her posts make me feel “a way”. Meaning if I am bothered by them. Of course not. She is used to her significant other wanting to be the one spoken to first about everything. I am not like that at all.

When it comes down to it, I still get to read them and go over them with her at the end of the day. So, her expressing herself online eventually turns into her taking to me.

Of course it’s healthier for her to express herself to me in terms of the relationship, but as long as she’s getting things off her chest, it is fine by me. I will still love and treat her the same either way.

Checkout her work: Hikari Aie