Different

The water that was thicker than blood has been diluted. Titrated over time and colors changing. Maybe just becoming more true. Nothing to do but get used to it. I mean, it’s not particularly unfamiliar. Just another point on the trend line. But it’s fine. Just didn’t expect it. Oh, the things we believe in.

It’s not my place to say that wishes are being misplaced. Not my place to say that the genie will never be able to deliver. The end that is being longed for will never come. I can’t say these things because it no longer seems like the things I say matter. If I don’t matter, what impact can my words have? What a feedback loop.

I’ve changed nothing though. I won’t. No need to. I’ll continue to do the things that I used to do. If it’s not recognized, it’s not on me. Blatant things are so hard to see. Blinded by what I don’t know. At the end of the day I know that I was consistent. Nothing more that I can do but let what is speak for itself.

I wish Peace, but I’ll never let it Out. I wanted Good, but you already said Bye. No help needed in the destruction. If anything ever mattered, you know I’ll be there to pick up the pieces.

Cryptic? Maybe. Meaningful? Definitely.

Uncertainty

How do you forgive someone for something that they may not even know that they did?

Patience takes you a long way.

The months of finding yourself and learning about yourself come into play here.

“No lashing out.
Listen first. Talk second.
Make sure you understand as best as you can.
Do not interrupt.
Talk without accusing.
Keep your voice down.”

It’s so easy to be angry. So easy to give in to the emotions that are running through you. You want to lash out. You want to shout.

For the first time in a long time, you fight it. You control it.

The feelings still remain. Still tempting. Clawing away at your resolve. You are at the edge of sanity, looking over. Jumping is easy. All it would take is a step.

No. A different person from the one in the past stands here.

You are stronger. You are better.

Walk away from the edge and face life. Grab the horns and take control. Push back at the things that want you to go over. Prove to yourself and the world that you are a bigger person.

At the end of the day, uncertainty will still exist about the right course of thought. Trust and understanding keep me grounded. In time everything will be fine. I know this. I may never forget, but for the sake of the future, I will forgive.

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