30 Day Challenge – Day 10

Day 10 – Discuss your first love and first kiss.

I am going to break this into parts because my idea of love has changed and evolved over the years.All names have been changed to protect the identity of those involved.

Amber. Kindergarten to Sixth Grade. I don’t know how I knew I loved her, but I always knew that I did. She was bright. There was always an aura around her. She was the first girl that I ever kissed. I know that we were young, but it felt special to me. I used to treat her the way that Steve Urkel would treat Laura Winslow. I used to watch the show every Friday and use the lines and moves on her on Monday. She was the first person that I felt a special way for.

Destiny. Summers from 1998 to 2002. The love that never was. The first girl that hit me with the love at first sight. Her smile hit me and that was it. I was hooked on her. The thing is, I never told her. I never acted on it in the way that I would now. I would just hope that she would be around the following summer. I continued to go back to Dominica until 2005. So, you know what that means. One summer, she moved. In the same week that I got back to the village, I saw her and her family with bags waiting for the bus to the airport. I never saw her again.

Snake. 2004-2005. My only regret. I don’t have any regrets in life, but being with her is one of them. I had my share of bad relationships before, but this is by far the worst. I was madly in love with her for some reason. I know, high school romance is supposed to be fleeting, but I couldn’t help myself at the time. I would have done anything for her and I did. She knew that and maybe that’s why it was so easy for her to take advantage of me. She cheated on me because she knew that I would always take her back each time. Even on my birthday. Yup. No day was sacred. The day I left is the day I took my life back. She taught me that love can hurt horribly at times. I am glad that I took something from it.

Cass. 2007-2011?. Shoulda, Coulda, Woulda. This is the love that I destroyed. I was still broken after snake. I felt that no one could be trusted. I was a wreck. Did so many things that I didn’t have to. I broke her emotionally when all she wanted to do was love me. I wish I could take it all back.

Anne. Current. Real love. This love feels the way that they write about in stories and portray in the movies. There is no forcing or any lies. Everything is going smoothly. I never have a dull day and I always look forward to the next one. She is my inspiration.

Breaking Expectations

Swish, swish, swish

My feet hit the soft green grass

Taking strides toward the dirt

I spin my hand and lift it over my head

I release the ball in mid-air

Aimed at the three sticks planted in the ground

It bounces once

Then it heads to the kid with bat in hand

Swoosh

He takes a confident swing with a smile on his face

One that quickly fades away

The bat is extended outward

Crack

The ball hits the makeshift wicket

Pieces of wood fly into the air

Right before hitting the ground

Everyone cheers loudly

They didn’t expect the city kid

To be good at their game

Little did they know

The sport coursed through my veins

Two past generations of athletes

Left me with muscle memory

wicket

 

Putting a Flame to It All Part 3

I was afraid that

No matter what I did

I’d see you

I’d hear your voice

Visiting places we went

Would cause the memories

To rush back into my head

That was my biggest fear

It almost consumed me

I had to take control

I had to move on

I did

Now I don’t think about you

You’re a distant memory

And the fear is gone

This State

The thoughts plague you

Your mind encapsulates them

While they continue to drive you

Crazy

You want to talk to anyone

But no one will understand

At least that’s what you believe

Everything happens for a reason

Can’t seem to believe that

Never wanting to try new things

Or experience new places

You even shy away from new faces

Head filled with pain

As you stand in the rain

Wishing they would wash away

These thoughts inside you

An idle brain leaves you

So much time to think

About things you rather not

They rush toward you

You’re barely able to process one

Before the next comes

All you want is to be free

From the memories

From the pain

From the tears

It’s hard to fight

The despair